Now I'm sitting at the DMV, waiting for this baby of mine to get his learner's permit...I don't know how to process this. You hear it all the time - it goes so fast...and it really does. It terrifies me at times to think that I only have 3 years left to have a daily influence on this man-child...have I done enough? Have I prepared him adequately? Is he ready for more responsibility? Can I please stop the clock?
Kelly smiles at me and takes it all in stride. He trusts we are doing our jobs as parents to the best of our ability and that God will honor that. He is fully prepared to say, "Go, my boy. We have given you the tools to succeed. Now it's up to you." I want that kind of faith and confidence.
Every day, I look at him and see him changing. His looks, his walk, his voice, his attitude. I'm proud of who he is becoming. I'm trusting that God will water those seeds we have planted and that Connor will continue to grow in his walk with the Lord. He's still a kid, but those glimpses of the man he is to be fills my heart to bursting.
This is what I wrote this morning on Facebook:
"Fifteen....fifteen!!?! Robert Connor, this day is a tough one. I'm so thankful that you are the one who made me a mama, and you hold a special place in my heart for now and always. I pray every day that you seek the Lord in all you do, trust Him to guide and direct you, and honor Him with your deeds. This growing up thing isn't always the easiest thing in the world, and watching you work through some struggles has nearly broken my heart...but I've been amazed at the strength and convictions you have gained through them. I love your steadfastness in standing up for what you believe in. I love that you don't follow the crowd, even when it costs you, and that you choose paths that I'd never expect you to take. We don't always see eye to eye, and it's not always fun to disagree, but I am always proud of your decisions because it shows me that you will never be easily swayed by this world. I love you to the moon, my sweet boy. I hope today is all you are hoping for!!"
Yep. That about sums it up. He was my first experience of my heart walking outside of me. I've never been the same, and I'm so thankful.