I am wistful today. I have a heart full of hope and love for many of my sweet friends this week, yet I am also filled with a bit of sadness. Three of my girlfriends have announced that they are expecting again. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! I do mean that, I really do. Now, I do not want to hear from my Aunts Betty or Karen on this one, as I already know their thoughts on this matter! But a part of me - it depends on the day exactly how big that part is - aches for another baby! Crazy, I know. But there nonetheless.
I am excited about the ages my kids are at today. I love watching them grow, and I cherish seeing them reach new goals and accomplishments. I don't wish to go back in time when they were babies, but I do wish for time to stop moving so quickly. I don't want another baby just to have another baby. In fact, there are so many things about having a baby that I do NOT miss at all! But there is an unsettled part of my soul that whispers sometimes, "Is this family complete until God says it is?"
You see, as much as I want another baby, I want God's will for our lives more. I don't think this feeling inside me is a human, earthly, or fleshly desire. Like I said, I'm kind of selfish, and I even dread the idea of sleepless nights, endless crying, and dirty diapers. But I don't want to close that door until I'm sure of the will of God.
Why am I so unsure? Because Kelly and I keep being on different pages on the matter. There was a time when I was CERTAIN we were done. But Kelly was not. Now Kelly feels strongly that we should be done, and I do not. I think that door may still be open, if only a crack. And until God firmly shuts that door, I'm open to the possibility.
Until we reach that moment, however, I will relish all the amazing moments to come vicariously through my friends. My newest sweet sister, Adrienne, is going to use a midwife. She is so excited, and I've already told her I'm willing to stand in for Blaine! :) I am thrilled to have such wonderful friends who share their lives with our family, and I know I will get lots of hugs and love from these precious blessings. Of course, my arms are still full with my own little blessings, even if they don't like to be held for long anymore! And I choose to remember that I am abundantly blessed.
Praying God will give you the desires of your heart - and answer that both you and Kelly can come to.
ReplyDeleteI met with my midwife tonight - oh, so exciting to be taking this route. An hour and a half of chatting about babies, kids and otherwise was such a sweet time - one I've never had with an OB!
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. Psalm 127:3-5 There's lots more room in your quiver. :-) Yeah for babies. Nicole P
ReplyDeletelove ya ~ and of course you know my take on the matter!!! lol
ReplyDelete~April Shannon